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Getting “ME” Back


Okay let’s be real.  I’ve tried and it’s not going so well.  I hit goal and I was doing awesome at maintaining my weight.  My clothes fit well, I was running, cross-training and strength training, and my food creativity was on warp speed.  I felt pretty awesome about myself.  I had escaped the curse of those who yo-yo up and down for the rest of their life.

Now I’m up…a bit.  Not a ton.  My clothes still fit, just a bit tighter…but lets not talk about my uniform tunic (coat) which is a bit too tight.  Unlike every day pants or shirt I can’t replace my uniform so readily.  Really I don’t want to.  It’s the most expensive piece of clothing I own and replacing it will take a big chunk out of my walled and be like admitting defeat.

Replacing large expensive clothing pieces is succumbing to the idea that I can’t maintain my weight where I was my happiest.  Not my thinnest…my happiest.  I won’t do it.

The funny thing is I know where I messed up.  I know why I’m here…


and not here…


It’s not much of a difference in photos but it is a HUGE difference in how I feel.  I feel sluggish and tired.  I feel off…just off.  That’s the best way to describe how I’m feeling right now.  I’m just not ME.

The worst part is I know what landed me here.  Instead of doing what I know works for ME…I tried mimicking what I saw others doing.  I thought I should do this and that instead of what I wanted to do.  I’m not saying any of the following are bad or can’t work for others…they just don’t work for me.

  • Everything in moderation. In my dreams this is a wonderful theory. A little of this, a little bit of that…and a lot less of me.  However moderation leads to a sad sick Cynthia.  So many foods cause me problems so instead I have to limit or eliminate things for my body function the way it should.  Know your own limits emotionally and physically to make you healthier.
  • Intuitive Eating. Again, awesome in theory.  I’m in awe of people who’s bodies tell them the right things to eat in the right quantity.  I messed my body up long ago that “intuitively” I’d love to bake a dozen yummy cookies I saw on a blog and eat them one by one with a glass of chocolate milk.  Two big no-no’s.  Perhaps my body isn’t so smart.
  • Not measuring my meals. Not everything needs to be measured all the time.  My food scale would run out of batteries and I don’t have enough measuring cups.  In the beginning this is a great way to learn portion sizes but for now I just need to check in every now and again.  Otherwise my normal half cup serving of oatmeal will slowly morph into a full and then two and then the sky is the limit.  I use the same bowls every day as a reference and measure my portions every few days to double-check.
  • Not weighing myself. The scale does not have to be my enemy.  In fact it is a valuable tool, not something to validate me.  For me daily weigh ins helps me see how I am fairing.  Not just with my food intake but with hydration and salt.  I’ve done the weighing once a week, once a month, never, etc.  Each time I end up unhappy because I think I’m doing fine and then my body feels off and the scale shows it.  Vacations are one this but making excuses not to check in with my weight doesn’t help me at all.
  • Subbing out too many foods. When I first started losing weight I subbed anything and everything.  However I often felt sick.  As I’ve adjusted my diet to mostly real foods, with some substitutes, I feel much better.  When I start eating more things in packages and less things I’ve made myself I start to feel crappy and gain weight.  Real food really is better.  Those Franken foods that live in the middle of grocery are good for nothing but Halloween costumes.  They are tricky with a bit of healthy stuff thrown in but they are scary.  No thanks.  I prefer things without labels and as little ingredients as possible.
  • All by myself. No accountability equals eat whatever I want in this house.  Hunni is no help because he love the junk just as much as I do when I’m not being held accountable.  We are both food addicts.  We work best when we hold each other accountable to not buy those things in the first place.  I have several friends I can email for accountability as well and my Weight Watchers group is so supportive each week no matter what the situation.  I’m a people person, so doing this healthy by myself is not pleasant.  Perhaps this is why I blog?  🙂

Do you know what works to keep you healthy?

13 Comments leave one →
  1. 08/10/2010 8:52 AM

    There’s no cookie cutter weight-loss solution that works for all of us. In fact, I’ve tested and proven that theory wrong EVERY time I tried a fad diet or looked to do what others were doing to lose weight.

    Like you, I had to find a balance and methods that worked for me – the right food program (the flexibility of Weight Watchers), the right exercise tool (the calorie tracking of Bodybugg), and the right fitness routine (running 6 days a week, cross-training and yoga). All of these things together do what I need them to do. They may not for others, but they don’t have to.

    I agree..find what works for you and stick with it. You’ll get back to where you felt your happiest. Tap into that ‘good’ feeling to help you get back there. Good luck.

    • 08/10/2010 11:39 AM

      Thank you for the encouragement. I’m feeling much better now that I’m okay with just being me in this whole thing.

  2. 08/10/2010 1:11 PM

    I recently found your blog through Caitlin’s Healthy Tipping Point, and I have to say that it has been a wonderful find. My husband and I are both in ministry and live on the church campus (I understand getting locked out too. That happened to our parsonage recently). You have been such an inspiration as I am adjusting to life with IBS. Thanks for your honesty, and may God continue to bless you on this healthy living journey!

    • 08/10/2010 2:32 PM

      I’m glad you found my blog. So great to “meet” other couples in ministry outside my denomination.

  3. 08/10/2010 1:12 PM

    I have to pretty much agree/sympathize with everything you said here. I’ve been doing that same thing. The only thing that has EVER really worked for me long term was Weight Watchers and I’m thinking it may be time to return to what works.

  4. 08/10/2010 1:25 PM

    I LOVE THIS POST b/c I was just talking to my hubby last night about my post from last night…

    I was saying to just admit it! Be real! Why did you gain weight? Was it b/c you’re too busy or you were pregnant? NO, it was b/c you ate too much, didn’t work out enough, didn’t watch your portions, etc. etc. BE REAL. Don’t beat yourself up! Just say, here’s what I did. That’s what got me here. Now, it’s time to change. I now realize what I need to do so that I can look and feel my best. I will now do those things! I hate when people blame others or make excuses.

    GREAT POST girl!

    • 08/10/2010 2:30 PM

      Being real with myself was a necessity. I kept blaming everything else but I did it to myself and I”m going to work to improve it again.

  5. 08/10/2010 1:58 PM

    Sorry you’re feeling down but at least you know the right way to pick yourself back up!

  6. jennas1978 permalink
    09/10/2010 8:25 AM

    It’s FANTASTIC that you’ve realized what works for you, and are going for it. Some people spend their entire lives in search of that elusiveness. I had found it, then battled some depression and gained some weight, then ended up pregnant, and am now recovering from abdominal surgery, with the voice of my OB in my head saying, don’t push too hard or you’ll end up really hurt, so I’m easing back in. I have to re-find what works for me, personally, because the gung ho method I had once upon a time just doesn’t fit/work with a newborn. Good luck in your newfound clarity!!!

  7. 09/10/2010 10:04 PM

    Half the battle is recognizing it, you know? You’ll get back to where you want to be in no time at all. I believe in you!

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