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My Privilege


Lately I’ve been feeling like I HAVE to run, or have to eat healthy or have to do work at my job…okay maybe I do have to do the last one.  But it has really has been a weigh on me lately. Kind of the dread feeling that I don’t want to do it and I’m going to stomp my feet as I do it because I know I need to and it is good for me.  But in reality I want to curl up on the couch with a big bowl of coconut ice cream and watch junk TV.

Okay so I haven’t gone grocery shopping in a LOOOOOOOOOONG time so my options are limited but I’m really not enjoying meals lately.  I’ve randomly thrown together breakfast from what I have since my oatmeal stash is low, I have no real fruit besides apples and I just finished my nut butter (including some old peanut butter) on some dates while rushing out the door on Sunday.  Lunch isn’t much better with thrown together salads that actually taste good but are getting monotonous.  And dinner…well lets just not talk about dinner that has been eaten out more often than in because I have no creativity and I don’t want to eat pasta every night.  We have made a lot of tortilla pizzas (and that’s why we are out of them) and eggs galore.  But I’m embarrassed at the amount of eating out we have been doing because I feel I HAVE to instead of wanting to cook.  Maybe I’ve lost my cooking mojo.

Exercise became a chore.  The weather was nice one day and I wanted to enjoy it with Hunni and the puppers.  Then it was cold and rainy the next and I didn’t want to get wet (I’m just like Peanut and Leo and hate getting wet).  And then there is the knee that is still acting up and yep I need to make an appointment with the doc.  I’m hoping there is no physical therapy in my future because I’m scare of Boot camp Steve and all the things he’ll make me do if I have to go.  And I’m back to the point that if I can’t run what can I do that will make me as happy.  I don’t want to have to exercise.  I like sweating and I want to WANT to do something even if it isn’t running now.

And it all is just piling and piling on top of me.  Add these things to the other craziness going on in my life and sometimes I feel like I’m juggling eggs and I wonder which one I’m going to drop first.  I’m almost ready to step away from them all and just take a break.  But that’s just not in me.  I can’t do it.  Even with the slip ups and the little loss of mojo being healthy is me.  I can’t stop it now after 4 years and just give up.  I’m not a quitter.

Instead I’m going to look at it in a different way.  I’m privileged that I can eat healthy.  I can try all sorts of new things whenever I want.  The farmer’s market is packed with fresh produce that I am privileged to enjoy…even some on my ride home from the market.  I’m privileged to be able to cook for Hunni and my family and help them be healthy too.  I’m privileged that I can afford the food I need to eat because of my medical conditions.  I’m privileged to enjoy food now when I used to hate it and loathe every bite I had to take.  I’m privileged that even after major back surgery I can run and I enjoy it.  I don’t feel like I’m being chased and I can enjoy the scenery or even the treadmill when needed.  I’m privileged that I have a gym to go to and that I have a job that is flexible enough to allow me to get in my workouts when everything goes crazy.  I’m privileged to live a healthy life and I need to look at it that way.

So the next time I complain about food or exercise I’m going to think of the people who can’t and remind myself that it is a privilege to enjoy the life I do.  And I need to look at it as such.

How do you change your mindset when it is down?

4 Comments leave one →
  1. 21/04/2010 2:06 PM

    This is a great way to look at this whole journey – especially when you are feeling down or struggling with an injury. Every day is precious and it is so easy to forget about that.

    When I’m feeling down I focus on all the blessings I have in my life and try to tell myself to “get over it!”

    • 21/04/2010 2:49 PM

      Thanks Diane! That’s the feeling I’m having. I need to not be so hard on myself and just do it even if it isn’t perfect for now.

  2. Meg S permalink
    22/04/2010 9:04 AM

    Great new attitude! You’re right, I should feel lucky that I feel healthy enough to go for runs. That I live in an area where I can get fresh and good stuff to eat and I have a husband that supports me.

    I have so much going for me and I sometimes just let it slide. I may not always be this lucky so now is the time to take advantage of things.

    • 22/04/2010 10:13 AM

      That is definitely how I feel. I may need to dial back how gung ho I am about everything but I don’t want to stop.

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