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Are you on the same page?

11/03/2010

I’ll fully I don’t always have the most healthy relationship with food.  I struggled with an eating disorder in college and ranged in cycles between not eating at all and then binging on everything in sight.  My desire to be thin and my eating/exercising habits were never on the same page.  They weren’t even in the same book.



My food choices were the complete opposite from my desired outcomes.  I lived on they typical college food…lots of ramen, velveeta shells and cheese, IBC Rootbeer, boxes of cheerios, oreos and bags of chips.  Pretty much anything I could buy in bulk and scarf quickly was my diet.  I lacked a lot of fruits and vegetables unless you count tomatoes in pasta sauce and strawberries in jelly.  Yeah not so much, right?  And my stomach didn’t enjoy the diet either.  Now my diet is high on the veggies and grains and low on the processed crap.  I actually enjoy cooking and no Stouffers that doesn’t mean throwing a prepacked lasagna in the oven.  I enjoy taking raw ingredients and creating a dish much the same way that I enjoy taking a raw piece of fabric and creating a quilt….eek I have 4 weeks to finish a quilt by the way…I’m freaking out.



My exercise choices mostly consisted of walking from my car to my apartment and back.  I thought that couch sitting should have been an Olympic sport.  The only time I set foot in my gym was to watch my friends play intramural or college sports.  I was a bum.  That didn’t do much for the body I wanted.  I wanted to be a runner but didn’t own running shoes…oops.  Now I own not one but two pairs of shoes (0ne for running, one for cross-training) and schedule some sort of workout everyday.  I may not get it in (ahem this week) but I put the plan in place to get the activity done.



My relationships were toxic to health too.  I isolated myself from good people and spent time with people who fed into my disorder.  My “friends” would sit around and binge with me.  The few times I thought about hitting the gym my friends would give me a better idea to hit up the late night truck stop for big pastries and soda.  I only went after guys who liked me for my body because I never really let them get to know me.  Now I enjoy spending time with friends (and family…hi momma!) that enjoy health or at least support me.  Hunni is my partner in crime for my running addiction willingly or not.  And I’ve made some AWESOME friends through Weight Watchers that I wouldn’t change for the world.



In the story of my life I was writing so many different tales that didn’t really match up.  My goals were to be thin and now I just want to be healthy.  Heck now I really have goals.  My relationship with myself, others and food is so much healthier now and as a result as if like magic my weight has maintained even though a lot of crap I’ve had to deal with in the past year.  I’m the one writing my story and I’m the only one who can keep on the right page.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. 11/03/2010 11:09 AM

    beautifully written and SO true.

  2. 11/03/2010 1:59 PM

    It’s a real struggle to keep things in my life on the same page…. I’m happy for you. Great job on all that you’ve accomplished!

  3. Jenny permalink
    11/03/2010 9:41 PM

    I’m still working on getting my self all on the same page. Good job for accomplishing it!

    • 12/03/2010 5:52 PM

      Thanks Jenny. You have a lot on your plate and will get on the same page soon enough.

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