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Sit With It

08/01/2010

Today was hard.  Today was stressful.  Today was annoying.  And today I wanted to eat.  When I’m stressed the first thing that comes to mind is FOOD!  I stress eat.  And I don’t stress eat carrots and hummus as much as I love that stuff…I admit its like crack to me.  But when I’m stressed and want to binge all I think about is fast food, and soda, and sugar and all the junk that makes my insides hurt.  When I’m stressed or upset the only food that sounds good and in large quantities is the stuff that will make me feel horrible.  And today was one of those days.

But today had a different outcome.  Today somehow I was conscious of the fact I was upset and wanted to hurt myself with food.  Today I stopped.  Today I recognized this destructive behavior and just sat with it.  I sat for about 20 minutes and thought about all the bad foods I just wanted to inhale to numb myself.  But yet I still sat.  So hard to do because it was lunch time and I really was hungry.  But yet I sat and just thought.  Finally I reluctantly drove to the grocery store and bought a salad bar salad instead of the crap I wanted.  I ate it to fill the hunger but I still had to sit with my stress and upsetness.

For me this was huge.  Normally I wouldn’t have thought about it and just inhaled all the junk in sight.  For some reason today was different.  Today I sat with it and eventually it passed without the binge.  Was it uncomfortable to sit with…Oh hell yes…but I did it.  And I came out the other side of those emotions okay.  And actually I’m better for it because I don’t have the guilt of eating all that food and wasting the points on it and my stomach isn’t swollen and distended like it could be.  Here’s hoping that the next time I can get through equally unscathed.

How do you handle stress and feelings

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. 08/01/2010 3:19 AM

    That is the best feeling ever. good on you.

  2. 08/01/2010 4:02 AM

    I also do the same thing. I sit on things that I want to do but are really bad for me. Great job on overcoming the binge monster.

  3. 08/01/2010 10:39 AM

    Good for you! What an awesome thing 🙂

  4. Sarah permalink
    08/01/2010 3:16 PM

    Hi Cynthia,

    I found your blog through WW search for people in North Adams! I’m 24 and I live in North Adams – my husband and I both went to MCLA and got married after graduation. We moved to England so I could get my MA at Uni Essex and then moved back to the Berkshires once I finished. We also have lovely furchild – three little dogs. I thought it would be fun to chat to get know each other and to have a fellow Weight Watcher in NA. My e-mail address is Tabayag (at) gmail (dot) com. Hope to hear from you!

    – Sarah

  5. 09/01/2010 12:17 AM

    Great job Cynthia. Just stumbled upon your blog and I LOVE it! Wow, congrats with sitting with the emotions and not eating through them. VERY HARD sometimes. I try keep in mind “This too shall pass” when it happens, although I admit, I fail most of the time. Congratulations on all your success, I hope I can do it, too! You’re a HUGE inspiration! I live in Boston- come visit!

    • 09/01/2010 12:50 PM

      Thanks! I’m glad you found and enjoy the blog. I love writing it. I’m out in the Boston area at least once a month so I’ll have to look you up.

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