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I’m NOT an Apple!

06/12/2009

But I sure like to eat them.

Other things this post could have been titled:

What I actually see when I look in the mirror

I have a waist.

LOOK AT ME!!

I was looking in the mirror Saturday morning as I got ready for “work” and realized that I’m not the apple I thought I was. You know what I mean…you can be and apple or a pear or and hourglass or even an inverted triangle depending on where you normally carry your weight.


For so many years I thought I was an apple because I was FAT! It was just understood that belts don’t look good on me and my ugh boobs and waist kind of met in the middle. I had no definition. Even after I lost the weight I still saw that in the mirror. I would look at my now skinner frame and see no waist and therefore avoid things designed to show off a waist I thought I didn’t have. I even took the belt off my old coat because “it didn’t look right.”


But then I looked in the mirror at 5.30 on a Saturday…why anyone would get up this hour on a regular basis is beyond me… and realized that I have a waist and it is tiny. And even though I have loose skin from the loss of my stomach…in clothes my waist looks FLAT! We’re not talking suck it in to look good for the opposite sex flat…truly flat and proportionate to the rest of my body.


Then I got to thinking of the other stuff I never really noticed when I spent so much time focusing on the stuff I hated about my body and not on what I love about it.


My hair has this magic curly quality that others seem to love.  I was constantly cutting it short when I was larger because I thought it made me look skinnier.  Now I realize my hair is pretty long and th curls are awesome.  I have the hair that some people would kill for and I was constantly chopping and dying it in an attempt to look skinny.  Now I love my hair for what it does and look forward to styling it soon with a new cut…but not short.


My eyes have a crazy calm before the storm blue look.  They are so clear and sparkly.  They often are hidden by my goofy smile that makes me squint.  I had to learn to smize (Tyra for smile with your eyes) for my wedding pictures so you could see how beautiful and expressive of me and my personality they really are.


Who knew that I had collar bones and they show off my shoulders nicely.  I actually thought something was wrong with my neck.  Turns out there are bones that support your shoulders and neck and look great in cute shirts and dresses.  They are probably the main reason I bought my wedding dress because it showed off these bones I never knew I had before.


I am a nice proportion.  I have broad shoulders and big hips but my little waist is balanced out nicely by these proportions.  I used to hate my chest and hips because it meant I had to buy separate tops and bottoms but I realize I like that I don’t look like the “average” woman.  I am unique to me and didn’t lose who I was when I lost the weight.  I’m still me with just a little less fluff and nicer curves.


Hunni had a shirt awhile back that said “I’m in Shape, round is a Shape.”  And I thought that was the same with my face.  I hated the shape and the fact that I got lost in it.  Now I have a jaw line and you can see my eyes and cheek bones.  My face has changed and makes me feel even happier to see the features that were often hidden.  I thought I still had a round face until I pulled out old pics of me from before the weight loss and noticed that the only thing that is recognizable about me is the same cheesy smile.


I have had a distorted body image for so long that when I paused to actually look at what I really looked like I was surprised and how different I actually looked from what I remembered.  I need to pay more attention to what I truly look like now and not let my old poor self-image weigh in when I look in the mirror.  I’ve changed the outside so I need to keep working on the inside so I can see and love that outside.


What do you see when you look in the mirror?

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. 06/12/2009 11:37 AM

    I think that is a gorgeous post. I remember when I lost tons of weight last year I know that my body image and how I percieved myself was terrible. I had such a distorted view of who I was and what my body looked like to me. I think that I am going to really look at myself today and perhaps write about it. I think that what you’ve done is powerful in addressing the actual thoughts that we have. I can write and do exposed posts..but this is at the core. thanks for being brave and thanks for writing this.

    • 06/12/2009 11:56 PM

      Thanks Michelle. I’ve never really looked at myself like this before and it just kind of hit me at 5.30 in the morning. Crazy how that happens.

  2. 06/12/2009 11:32 PM

    What a beautiful post – and so heartfelt 🙂 I too have days where I am SURE that what I “see” in the mirror is probably not what is really staring back at me!
    Thankyou for sharing 🙂

    • 06/12/2009 11:55 PM

      Thanks! It’s hard to not “see” what I was used to for so many years and really see the real me. I’m making a conscious effort to do it more often.

  3. 07/12/2009 10:15 AM

    I used to see a girl who was fat and ugly, with sad eyes. But now when I look in the mirror I see a beautiful girl with nice shoulders, beautiful straight hair, and sparkly brown eyes. It’s nice to have a paradigm shift….

    -Denise

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