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I have nothing to fear

28/09/2009

scaredy catYeah right….who am I kidding.  Fear makes up most of who I am and lots of the decisions I make.  I don’t think I’d be where I am if I wasn’t scared of one thing or another.  Scared of never measuring up, never being pretty enough, smart enough, knowing what I’m doing, being alone, being happy even.  I’m a big scaredy cat.  I picture the worst case scenarios for everything before I even make a decision.  Even losing weight came with a worst case and best case.  Worst case I’d die young and ugly and no one will love me…best case I lose all the weight I need and have that perfect model body, marry the man of my dreams and live happily ever after.  Yeah well neither of those happened.  In fact Roni had a great post over on We Are the Real Deal that really struck home to me about this whole journey and where I am now.  You should head over and read it. 

 

But here is my place of confronting my fears.  It’s in another Joyce Meyer book I picked up because the title really fit where I was “NEVER GIVE UP!”  I was about to and then I started reading.  Not just giving up on Weight loss but on almost everything.  For me things were just too hard and I wanted to sleep.  Falling into a depression was not where I wanted to be so I’m very happy to be feeling better (thanks to Joyce’s book and some good counseling).  So here it goes…

  • Fear of what people think.  This fear controls almost every decision I make.  I am afraid that my bosses will thin I’m incompetent, Hunni will think I’m not good enough and I will be a big loser.  But searching for other’s approval meant I wasn’t focusing on what God had in store for me which is what I really want.  God wants me to be healthy and happy in my life and ministry and service.  So I choose to stop thinking about what others think and start looking to the real reason I’m doing this.
  • Fear of Criticism.  I’m afraid that what I do is not good enough and others will say so .  But I need to realize that criticism can help me grow.  I can learn from my mistakes and don’t need to doubt my abilities.  I can grow and I am growing.  In order to do somethings some people wont’ agree with me and I can’t let that stop me.
  • Fear of Making the wrong decision.  This one is big.  I am in control of a lot for work and my wrong decision can effect a lot of people.  So I fear this.  And I fear that when I go out to eat I’ll choose something totally wrong for me and my weight loss.  WHo doesn’t?  But I need to be confident that I make the best decisions with the information I have.  If I need to correct them fine.  But I need to choose to believe in myself and not doubt.
  • Fear of Sacrifice.  This is huge.  FOr me sacrifice means change.  I posted before on how I wanted to be the girl who could have things like soda and sweets in moderation.  But realizing I can’t right now I needed to sacrifice my desire for them for health.  BIG, HUGE!  But I’m doing much better without them than I did with them.  And for that I’m happy that I made the sacrifice.

 

One huge Fear that hasn’ t been covered yet in the book (I’m not that far yet…I’m sure she gets to it) is my fear of Failure.  I’m terrified that I’ll fail at what I put my mind to.  I always am afraid that the huge goals I set for myself I’ll never get to.  In fact I rarely tell others what my goals are so that I don’t have to feel stupid if and when I don’t achieve them. 

 

On of my biggest fears of failure right now is with my weight goal.  I set it for WW standards but I don’t think my body will be happy there.  I have to kill myself at the gym and be super strict with eating to get even anywhere near that number.  My body settles naturally around the same weight.  So I’m seriously considering talking to my doctor about this and adjusting my goal weight to where I fit naturally.  I want something I can live with and I’ll be happy.    Have you ever had to change your weight/exercise goals to be happy and not just thin/fit?

 

I have worked so hard and I can see it in pictures and when I look at my body.  I think I’m perfectly fine where I’m at and I want to be happy and not feel like a failure when I look at the weight in my WW book that I’ll never achieve.  I did this… I lost 100 pounds dang it and I’m proud.  I have nothing to fear because I didn’t fail to reach the goal set for me, I achieved so much more in the journey to this point.  And I’m moving forward from here.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. 28/09/2009 10:53 PM

    Just found you from Roni’s site – hugs!

    I weighed 210 pounds at 5 feet 2 inches tall. The father of my daughter wanted nothing to do with us, so I just got fat so I couldn’t be hurt anymore.

    Then one day my stomach touched the steering wheel and I knew I had to do something!

    So I joined WW and in one year went down to 135. I loved myself and then love found me! I met my now husband two months after I reached my goal and we will have been married 9 years in December!

    Failure is part of the process, but it doesn’t have to stop you – just slows you down a bit.

    It’s your life, don’t worry about what others think – make yourself happy first! 😀

    • 29/09/2009 7:15 PM

      Thanks so much! I’m glad you found the site. I’m now trying to focus on me. I started losing because of fear of what others thought and now I’m trying to remember to do it for me.

  2. 29/09/2009 9:31 AM

    “I want something I can live with and I’ll be happy.” That is the most important part, I think. A goal weight can be such a motivation or such a downer. I’ve been trying to get away from “the number” and just figure out what I need to do to just be happy and still wear my clothes. The number changes everyday, no matter what I do, so I’ve got to keep myself sane.

    I did end up changing my goal weight after reaching it because I just couldn’t maintain there.

    • 29/09/2009 7:14 PM

      Thanks Brandi. I have an appointment with my doctor for my hip and I think I’m going to talk to her about getting a letter for weight watchers too. I don’t think I can maintain that low since I’m killing myself and can’t even reach it.

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