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Passive..who me?

06/09/2009

I’m still reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer and I’m really enjoying it.  It makes me really see how I allow myself to think certain ways about myself and my habits instead of putting my full trust in God.  I really put myself at a disadvantage.  It’s funny to read stuff and go “how did she know I do that?”  or “Well of course I think like that.”  It’s such a hard thing to think that I really need to change my way of thinking…weird huh?

Last night’s chapter was about the Passive mind.  Now I won’t get into how I think Hunni thinks this way to because he is exactly like her husband as she describes him in the chapter.  That’s a whole other topic.  But I got to really thinking about it in terms of my own physical health and mental health.  I don’t consider myself passive much.  Sure I don’t like confrontation but I’m likely to tell you how it is if something is really bothering me.  I’m not the type to slink around and do something just to get at you instead of telling you how I feel. 

Well why then would I only half way do stuff?  Why do I kind of commit to measuring my food or not eating/drinking the stuff that makes me binge?  Why do I kind of commit to a new habit and then get mad when it doesn’t follow through?  Why do I start gung ho to read my Bible everyday and pray everyday and then get mad when I fall asleep one night or not wake up early for my devotions (yes the pastor just admitted she skips these things occasionally)? 

I think it’s because I assume I’m already going to fail.  I have it in my mind that I failed before so I’m going to fail again.  So even if I do it at first I kind of set myself up to fail.  I think I’m going to fail and when I do I tell myself “see you couldn’t do it you big dummy.”  I’ve basically set a trap for myself that I know I’ll fall in and just go head first.  I’m not likely to stick with it.  I don’t understand how I’m still at this WW thing 2 years later almost but I’m not sticking with it completely all the time.

But that got me thinking.  I’m still at it right?  Even though I’ve messed up countless times and keep losing and regaining the same 5 pounds, I’m still at it.  Joyce put it really well talking about morning devotions when she said that even if you get up early but fall asleep on the couch you tried.  You made the effort and can try again tomorrow.  I really need to look at it like this.  Sure I made the effort and ate well all this week and then messed up with my chocolate binge on Thursday.  But I still ate well on Friday and didn’t go nuts.  I didn’t just say screw it I’ll start again on Saturday.  Even when I can’t run for a few days due to my hip I’m still moving and walking or stretching and planning a run for tomorrow like the doc suggested.

I love you Joyce Meyer because you are helping me fight the battle that is going on within my own head.  Even with your crazy southern accent playing in my head you are making a heap of sense.  You are helping me spiritually and even if you never intended to you are helping me physically.  THANKS!!  joyce

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Brandi permalink
    07/09/2009 8:42 AM

    wow, what an awesome post! I find myself feeling “bad” or “guilty” because I can’t make myself get up and read the Bible or just pray for a while.

    But, most mornings, I am up WATCHING Joyce Meyer! Her show comes on here at 6 am, so I usually try to catch it and I do like starting my day out with that. I guess I just think it’s different than having my own quiet time with God, but it’s like she says: I’m still doing something to spend time with Him and learn more about Him. It’s hard to not be so critical of ourselves – thanks for the reminder 🙂

    • 07/09/2009 11:04 AM

      Brandi…I’m glad this was a good reminder for you. I sometimes feel bad when I’m spending time reading commentaries about the Bible instead of figuring it out for myself. But then I remind myself if I don’t “get it” by just reading it directly it didn’t do me any good. The fact that we keep at it is good. 🙂

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