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Avoidance vs. Giving in

20/07/2009

This week is going to be really hard for me because of some family issues.  And when I’m having a hard time emotionally I eat.  I think that’s why my weight started going up when my parents divorced.  Up until then I had been a happy child who was relatively average.  Eventually I reached 260+ pounds before doing something about my weight and eating and exercise habits.

One of the key things I’ve learned to do is to not give into eating for every little emotional thing that bothers me.  I used to always eat cookies, cake, chocolate instead of feeling the emotions that were bothering me.  I didn’t want to be sad because I was supposed to be the happy child/teen/daughter.  So eating became comfort for me so I didn’t have to feel the pain. 

But over time I learned that I just stuffed and stuffed and stuffed my feelings by eating.  Now I’ve learned to talk about what’s bothering me instead of eating.  I talk to a counselor, my mom, my husband, and my best friends when I’m having a tough time.  It usually works and I can avoid the food urge if I deal with the feelings. 

Sometimes however the food urge can get to be too much and no amount of talking seems to work.  In these cases I can’t avoid them.  I’ve tried trust me!  But I often find that if all I can do is think about the food when I’m in emotional pain it only hurts me to not give in.  I can’t seem to talk about what’s bothering me when the food urges are so strong.  But the giving in is a bit different in these situations than it used to be.  The difference is that instead of eating an entire bag of chocolate I had a lindt truffle yesterday.  It was good quality chocolate that filled that urge to eat and I didn’t binge like I would have in the past.  And I had a diet coke instead of a full regular soda.  I still had to deal with those feelings but I wasn’t so distracted by my urge for food.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes no matter how hard we try to not eat when we know it’s not food we want, sometimes its better to give a little then to suffer.

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